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Monday, November 30, 2009

JOB OPENING: FLORIDA STATE HEAD FOOTBALL COACH

BYE BYE BOWDEN
Florida State's Bobby Bowden to retire.
Bobby BowdenBobby Bowden said Monday evening at his home that he has not made a decision about his coaching future at Florida State and plans to meet with university officials again today.

Bowden told the Associated Press that he is still sifting through "options presented to him." Bowden met with Florida State President T.K. Wetherell and Athletic Director Randy Spetman for an hour Monday morning.

The Tallahassee Democrat and ESPN.com are reporting Bowden is expected to announce his retirement.

When asked about those reports, his wife, Ann, told AP that nothing had been finalized -- "that's why they're meeting [today]."

The 80-year-old coach said earlier Monday that there would be an announcement about his future today.

Bowden has said that before making a decision he had to do some soul searching, which probably will include mulling over the division of responsibility between him and coach-in-waiting Jimbo Fisher -- especially over changes in the assistant coaching ranks. Fisher, the offensive coordinator, receives $5 million from Florida State if he's not the head coach by January 2011.

Earlier this year, Bowden had strongly suggested he wanted 2010 to be his last season. But Bowden, whose 388 victories are second only to Penn State's Joe Paterno among major-college coaches, has also said he could not return as a head coach with no authority.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

ROETHLISBERGER TO SIT OUT


Roethlisberger To Sit Out Sunday Against Ravens

Saturday, November 28, 2009
Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger practiced all week and repeatedly has said he felt "fine" from a concussion he sustained in last week's game, but he reportedly will play it safe and sit out Sunday night's key divisional game at Baltimore.

Roethlisberger, however, has been had exercise-induced headaches, according to multiple news sources, and thus will not play. Roethlisberger has had four concussions since 2006.

"It's part of the nature of the beast of playing this game. It's a violent, physical contact sport and there's a chance you're going to get hit," Roethlisberger said Thursday. "You guys don't talk about the bruises we have all over our body. If I showed you a bruise on my shoulder and a bruise on my shin, it wouldn't get talked about as much. It's a violent sport we play."

In Roethlisberger's place, second-year player Dennis Dixon will make the start. Dixon  moved up the depth chart when backup Charlie Batch sustained a wrist injury after taking over for Roethlisberger last week. Batch is expected to miss 2-4 weeks.

Tyler Palko, just signed to the practice squad this week, will be  Dixon's backup on Sunday night.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

MACY's THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE- WHERE TO STAY?


With temperatures often in the 40's, as well as the crowds on the Thanksgiving Day Parade route, it's no wonder that many visitors and locals decide they want to get a hotel room with a parade view to experience Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Hotels realize these rooms are valuable and often have strict rules and policies around their use.
Tips for Booking Parade View Hotel Rooms
  • It is typically best to call the hotel directly -- these rooms are carefully guarded and often available only through the hotel's in-house reservation or sales department
  • Thanksgiving Parade View rooms are sometimes made available as early as one year in advance, though the policies vary from hotel to hotel
  • Many hotels have strict limits on occupancy -- ask about the restrictions when making your reservation and before inviting your extended family to enjoy your room with you
  • Find out if there are a minimum number of nights required to book the parade view room -- some hotels have no such requirement, others have 2 or 3 night minimums
  • Be sure when to ask about cancellation/refund policies, as many hotels require guests to pay in full at the time of reservation with no chance of cancellation
  • Mid-level floors (approximately 7-15) tend to offer the best viewing experience -- in higher rooms the parade balloons may appear miniscule, and in lower rooms you may be craning your neck to catch a glimpse of the balloons
  • Find out if the hotel's entrance will offer a good view of the parade -- you can often get better pictures from the street than through a window, but your room will offer a peaceful respite after fighting the crowds on the street
 HOTELS WITH A VIEW



Accor Novotel
226 West 52nd Street at Broadway
New York, NY 10019
Phone: 212-315-0100
Fax: 212-765-5365
Parade View Room Rates: starting at $469
Rooms become available one year in advance and are often booked by June
How To Book: call hotel directly and request a guaranteed parade view room

Comfort Inn Central Park West
31 West 71st St.
New York, NY, 10023
Phone: (212) 721-4770
Fax: (212) 579-8544

Crowne Plaza Manhattan
1605 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
Phone: 212-977-4000; 800-243-6969
Fax: 212-333-7393

Doubletree Guest Suites Times Square-New York City
1568 Broadway
New York, NY 10036
Phone: 212-719-1600
Fax: 212-921-5212
Parade View Room Rates: starting at $499
Rooms become available 1 year in advance; limited availability on higher floors; best floors are 8-17 for viewing
How To Book: call hotel directly at 212-719-1600; request a Thanksgiving Parade view room
Restrictions: non refundable, fully paid in advance; rate includes breakfast

Mandarin Oriental
80 Columbus Circle at 60th Street
New York, NY 10023
Phone: 212-805-8800
Parade View Room Rates: starting at $1000
Room reservations taken a year in advance;
How To Book: call hotel and specify you want a room to view the parade
Restrictions: 2 night minimum; 3 month cancellation window

Millenium Broadway
145 West 44th Street
New York, NY 10036
Phone: 212-768-4400
Fax: 212-768-0847
Parade View Room Rates: starting at $695+
Rooms become available 1 year in advance
How To Book: call the hotel directly at 212-768-4400 between 7 a.m. and 8 p.m.; ask for a guaranteed parade view room

New York Marriott Marquis
1535 Broadway
New York, NY 10036
Phone: 212-398-1900; 1-800-843-4898
Fax: 212-704-8930
Parade View Room Rates:  2 nights at $309 and one night at $1300 (3 night minimum)
How To Book: call 212-398-1900 and ask to speak to Mariette, Daisy or Laverne in reservations
Restrictions: 3 night minimum; cancellation deadline of 1st of October, at which time room is billed in full; limit of 3 adults per room

Renaissance New York Hotel Times Square
Two Times Square
714 Seventh Avenue at W. 48th Street
New York, New York 10036 USA
Phone: 212-765-7676
Fax: 212-765-1962
Trump International Hotel & Tower
One Central Park West
New York, NY 10023
Phone: 212-299-1000; 888-44-TRUMP (448-7867)
Parade View Room Rates: starting at $1055 + tax per night
How To Book: call hotel directly at 212-299-1000 to be put on the waiting list; waiting list begins one year in advance; 90 days prior(generally late August), guests on waiting list will be contacted in order and offered the rooms based on availability
Restrictions: 3 night minimum; once confirmed and paid for, reservations are non-refundable, non-transferable, cannot be cancelled
W New York - Times Square
1567 Broadway at 47th Street
New York, NY 10036
Phone: 212-930-7400
Fax: 212-930-7500
Parade View Room Rates: starting at: for a single $519; suite $899
How To Book: call the hotel directly at 212-930-7441; request a parade view room
Restrictions: no cancellation/refunds, fully prepaid reservations at time of booking; no minimum stay

6 Columbus
6 Columbus Circle
New York, NY 10019
Phone: 212-204-3000
Fax: 212-246-3131
Parade View Room Rates (rooms have obstructed views): starting at: $495/night; $650 for suites
Rooms available 5-6 months in advance
How To Book: call the hotel directly

Additional Hotels Along The Parade Route that Have Parade View Rooms
These hotels have parade view rooms, but cannot guarantee them to guests. Early check-in and calling a week in advance is encouraged if you've booked a room at these hotels and are hoping for a parade view room. The advantage: these rooms are much less expensive than the guaranteed parade view rooms.
Ameritania Hotel
230 West 54th Street
New York, NY 10019
Phone: 212-247-5000
Fax: 212-247-3313
Room Rates: starting at $340


Amsterdam Court
226 West 50th Street
New York, NY 10019
Tel. 212-459-1000
Fax: 212-265-5070
Room Rates: starting at $340

Moderne
243 West 55th Street
New York, NY 10019
Phone: 212-397-6767
Fax: 212-397-8787
Room Rates: starting at $340

BRUINS GET A PAINT JOB!

UCLA and Southern California are not playing for the Pac-10 title this weekend, but that doesn't mean the rivalry lacks passion. Three days before the showdown of Los Angeles schools, someone splashed the UCLA Bruins mascot with the gold and cardinal colors of the Trojans.
The L.A. Times
The statue on the Westwood campus had been wrapped in a tarp to protect it from such a prank. However, someone cut through the barrier either late Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning and was able to get away with defacing the mascot.Officials were not in a laughing manner afterwards. Police say the prank is being treated as a felony vandalism.
Southern California is taking steps to ensure that its Tommy Trojan mascot will not meet a similar fate this week. The statue is being guarded in shifts through the week.

Monday, November 9, 2009

THE POWER PLAYERS OF FASHION

THE POWER PLAYERS OF FASHION & THEIR POWERFUL PENS

discussing the shifting dynamics

of how trends are created by
the Fashion Press
print, web, blogs, tweets....who kick-starts the trends & is the consumer buying?
November 19th 6pm
with DVD presentation of Spring 2010

from Paris, Milan, London, and New York

Click Invite to Register with PayPal
or fill in below and fax to 323 822-1818


image.jpg



BOXeight Studios
1446 E Washington Boulevard, LA, CA 90021

Moderator:
Susan Stein, Palm Springs Life Magazine
Panel:
Jayne Seward, Apparel News & VeryVeryChic.com
Kristen Calavas,  TheLookBook.com
Laurie Pike, Los Angeles magazine
Tasha Adams, BlackburnandSweetzer.com
Erin Weinger,
StyleSectionLA.com

Click Invite to Register with PayPal
or fill in below and fax to 323 822-1818
or mail to: 
912 N Croft Avenue #102, West Hollywood, CA 90069
Or email to:  fgila@earthlink.net
Please indicate number of MEMBERS AND NON-MEMBERS:

Members $20. ____ Non-Members $45.____
  
 Student Members $10___
Student Non-Members $15___

Total number of event tickets:______ at total cost:___________
Name(s) of attendee(s)
 _______________________________________
_______________________________________
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Name(s):___________________________________________
 
 Company:__________________________Tel:______________
 

 Street Address:_______________________________________
 

 E-mail Address:_______________________________________

Paid by:___ Visa____ MasterCard

 Number:_______________________Exp. Date________
Signature:____________________________________
 
 Total amount to bill my credit card: $___________
 
Fashion Group International® of Los Angeles
912 N Croft Ave, #102;West Hollywood, CA  90069

FGILA is a proud supporter of the FGILA Foundation,
which awards scholarships to outstanding fashion

design students in Los Angeles and its

surrounding areas.
 CALL: 323 687-4131
email fgila@earthlink.net

FAX 323 822-1818

GIVE A DAY, GET A DISNEY DAY!

Breaking news…as we just announced on Good Morning America, if you give a day of volunteer service to a participating organization, you’ll get one day of free admission to a Disney Park. It’s a first-of-its-kind program we’re calling “Give a Day, Get a Disney Day.”

And yes, it’s that simple — a free one-day ticket to a Disneyland or Walt Disney World theme park for guests who volunteer a day of service to a participating organization. We’re celebrating you and the good things you do for your communities.
Our program officially begins on January 1, 2010. When it’s live, you’ll be able to visit www.DisneyParks.com or www.DisneyParks.ca and search for an eligible volunteer project. After completing the volunteer work, an e-mail will be sent from Disney with a link to print out a voucher to redeem at a theme park for a free one-day, one-park admission. And if you’re unable to use the ticket, it can be donated to a charity designated by Disney.
With this announcement, we’re looking for 1 million people with a passion to make a difference. And we’re working with HandsOn Network to do it. They’re helping make sure you find the perfect volunteer work. And many of the program’s volunteer opportunities will be for the family.
Also, you’ll notice that we’re raising awareness for grass-roots community volunteerism in more cities than just Chicago. Disney VoluntEARS are joining local volunteers in cities across the United States and Canada today. Work projects involving more than 1,000 volunteers are happening in Atlanta, Los Angeles, Miami and across Canada — Toronto, Montreal, Halifax and Vancouver.
We’ll be posting more details about the program and how it may involve your city on the @DisneyParks Twitter account and right here.
Of course, there are some official details you should know about: Must pre-register and sign up for eligible volunteer opportunity at disneyparks.com. Ticket quantities for this program are limited. Must be at least age 6 to participate. Other terms and conditions apply. For details, see disneyparks.com in the United States and Puerto Rico. In Canada, see disneyparks.ca.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

GET TEMPTED!



Get your tickets NOW to watch Niki Ghazian and the Lingerie Football League's lovely Los Angeles Temptation in their first home game at the Los Angeles Sports Arena! Go to www.ticketmaster.com (keyword: Los Angeles Temptation) or www.lflus.com for tickets. See these beautiful ladies play full-tackle football in lingerie!

BUY TICKETS HERE

The Lingerie Football League features fast-paced 7-on-7 full-contact tackle football featuring some of the country’s most athletic and beautiful women. The inaugural LFL season will include a (20) week schedule from September 4th – January 22nd with (10) market teams including Seattle Mist, Los Angeles Temptation, San Diego Seduction, Denver Dream, Dallas Desire, New York Majesty, Chicago Bliss, Tampa Breeze, Philadelphia Passion and Miami Caliente. Play style is full-contact and consists of seven women on each side of the 50-yard field, akin to indoor football. Uniforms consist of helmets, shoulder pads, bikini tops and shorts. Also, there is no kicking or punting allowed in the game. A team must attempt to get a first down on every fourth down. They cannot go for the one extra point after a touchdown, but instead must decide to go for a one- or two-point conversion by attempting to get the ball in the end-zone from the two or five yard lines, respectively. In addition to the 50-yard field, the field is 30 yards wide and the end zones are 10 yards deep. Games will include (2) 15 minute halves and a ten minute halftime.

DECK THE HILLS 2009















Tis the Season to be Fabulous

The events, the shopping, the food, the magic, there's no place like Beverly Hills for the holidays.


Beverly Hills is known for its sparkle and, of course, its glamour and sophistication. At no time of the year is that more evident than during the holidays. The streets shimmer with more twinkle lights than ever, colorful new banners adorn lamp posts throughout the Golden Triangle and Santa flies high overhead to survey the scene and make last-minute updates to his list (the who’s been naughty/who’s been nice list, that is). Plan a holiday escape to Beverly Hills this year – "where troubles seem to melt like lemon drops way above the chimney tops."

It is the most wonderful time of the year, and our season kicks off on Saturday, November 21 with a multitude of afternoon activities along Rodeo Drive prior to the spectacular Holiday Lighting Ceremony on the 200 block of Rodeo.

3:00 - 7:00 PM
Visitors to this famed dream drive will enjoy free entertainment - from balloon artists to jugglers, caricature artists to musicians. The streets are ripe with photo opportunities as well, with striking new holiday décor, lights and banners throughout the Golden Triangle and complimentary pics with Santa and Mrs. Claus.

7:00 PM
The lighting ceremony itself is always a sight to behold. Of course, Santa will be on hand along with carolers and special celebrity guest and UNICEF supporter, Rebecca Mader. Mader, previously a regular on the immensely popular TV series, Lost, also co-stars in the soon-to-be-released feature film, Men Who Stare at Goats (starring George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges). Mader will flip the switch on thousands of twinkle lights on Rodeo Drive and on the pièce de résistance, the brilliant UNICEF crystal snowflake soaring over the Beverly Wilshire hotel. A grand fireworks finale caps off the evening as skyrockets will again arc across the sky above the hotel.

AFTER
The evening is still young, and just a few steps away, the Two Rodeo Drive "after party" gets underway. Enjoy more time with Santa and Mrs. Claus as snowflakes float effortlessly to the ground along the cobblestone Via. Indulge in holiday sips and bites at the chic boutiques and cozy restaurants lining this European-inspired shopping complex as holiday music from the live steel drum band captivates passers-by.

Come back and visit throughout the holiday season. The UNICEF snowflake will continue to sparkle through New Year’s Day, and visitors to Beverly Hills will also enjoy two hours of free parking at City parking garages along Rodeo, Beverly and Canon Drives (look for the turquoise blue parking signs).







ANGIE & BRAD, WHO? THE HOTTEST COUPLE IN BEVERLY HILLS- SANTA & MRS. CLAUS

Keep your eyes peeled! The dynamic duo is back – Santa and Mrs. Claus will make several appearances around town again this year.

TWO RODEO DRIVE
Be the first to check in with Santa on Saturday, November 21 just prior to the Beverly Hills Holiday Lighting extravaganza at 7:00 pm. Santa and his better half are anxious to reconnect with you – it’s been a LONG year! And everyone has a ticket to the Two Rodeo After Party immediately following the Lighting Ceremony. You’ll have direct access to the big guy for a little Q&A and your very own photo op, all while enjoying a nibble or two as you get an early start on your Christmas shopping along the Via amidst a dusting of snow.

THE PALEY CENTER FOR MEDIA
The famous pair will also appear on the Beverly Hills Trolley and at The Paley Center for Media. Join Mrs. Claus on the trolley the Sunday before Thanksgiving and every Saturday and Sunday between Thanksgiving and Christmas. She'll enchant all with a few stories and songs and then lead her guests right to St. Nick at The Paley Center for some one-on-one time. While there, fans can share their deepest secrets and fervent desires with Santa from 11:00 am to 2:00 pm each weekend – oh, and also take in a show (free holiday screenings are offered at the Center throughout the holiday period). The pair appear live on the following dates:

November 22
November 28 & 29
December 5 & 6
December 12 & 13
December 19 & 20

So – join Mrs. Claus aboard the 11:00 am, 12 noon, or 1:00 pm Beverly Hills trolley tours (pick up is at the southeast corner of Rodeo Drive and Dayton Way). She’ll set you up with the guy in the big red suit! Trolley tickets are $10/adult and $5/child (under 12). Regular trolley tours run at 2:00, 3:00 and 4:00 pm – call (310) 285-2442 for more information.

Oh by gosh, by golly, it’s time for mistletoe and holly! Don’t miss all that Beverly Hills has in store when the holiday festivities get underway in November.

The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills Holiday Tasting Event
November 10, 11 and 12, 2009 (7:00 – 9:00 pm)
Join proprietor, Norbert Wabnig, and manager/wine buyer, Tony Princiotta, at The Cheese Store’s annual Holiday Spectacular Tasting Event. The event is known for its festive, non-regional approach, focusing on an excellent selection of champagnes, gourmet cheeses and all the extras you would want to serve at your own holiday celebrations. Previous events have included ports, caviar, foie gras and truffles along with guest appearances by artisanal producers. The event will be held on Sharkey’s Patio (435 N. Beverly Drive) on three nights – November 10, 11 and 12 (7:00 – 9:00 pm). The cost is $100/person – reservations must be made in advance at (310) 278-2855 or at info@cheesestorebh.com.

Beverly Hills Lighting Ceremony
November 21, 2009 (7:00 pm)
This not-to-be-missed annual extravaganza is chock full of surprises and amazing entertainment. The fun gets underway mid-afternoon on Saturday, November 21 with tons of family activities and entertainment including balloon and caricature artists, jugglers, musicians and carolers. Santa and Mrs. Claus will also be milling about later in the afternoon, ready to review and discuss any and all wish lists. At 7:00 pm, prepare to be mesmerized when the Mayor and special celebrity guest and UNICEF supporter, Rebecca Mader, flip the switch on the stunning 12,000-crystal UNICEF snowflake floating over the Beverly Wilshire hotel and the thousands of twinkle lights along Rodeo Drive. The grand finale? An awe-inspiring fireworks display overhead, synchronized to the music of the season. The UNICEF crystal snowflake will remain illuminated until January 1, 2010.

Holiday Tea at Montage Beverly Hills
November and December 2009
Relax after the rush of holiday planning and shopping with a gracious afternoon tea in the Lobby Lounge of the exquisite Montage Beverly Hills hotel (225 N. Canon Drive). The cherished tradition is in full bloom from 2:30 – 5:00 p.m. daily throughout November and December. Expert tea specialists will guide you through the tea service which features exclusive artisan tea varieties in custom china inspired by the joyful wildflowers of California’s foothills. A harpist adds to the soothing environment. For reservations, please call (310) 860-7800.

The Organic Pharmacy Holiday Celebration
November and December 2009
On Friday, November 27, The Organic Pharmacy will kick off the holidays and celebrate their one-year anniversary in Beverly Hills with an in-store party. Enjoy cake and beverages, a free gift with purchase and an opportunity to win a fabulous four-night stay at the fabulous Capella Pedregal in Cabo. Also, in November and until December 14, prepare to look your best at upcoming holiday parties when you indulge in a Rose Crystal Facial ($160 for 1½ hrs.), voted one of the top 50 facials by Harpers Bazaar, and receive a complimentary vitamin and mineral scan (worth $75). Call (310) 272-2725 to book your appointment – available at the Beverly Hills location only (453 N. Beverly Drive).

Two Rodeo Drive
November 18 through December 24, 2009
Celebrate the holidays in style at Two Rodeo in the heart of Beverly Hills. Beginning November 18, see Two Rodeo dressed in holiday splendor with a 25-foot holiday tree and decorative penguins swimming in the Wilshire fountain. Carolers and live musical entertainment will set the shopping mood on the Via Rodeo every Thursday – Saturday evening from 4:00 – 7:00 pm (Nov. 27 – Dec. 24). With gift items galore, Two Rodeo’s diverse luxury offerings are sure to please even those with the most discerning taste. Visit www.tworodeo.com for the latest from their luxury retailers and for information on how you can join Two Rodeo in supporting UNICEF.

Holiday Champagne and Dessert Tea at Greystone Mansion
December 6, 2009 (2:00 – 3:30 pm)
Celebrate the holiday season with an afternoon tea at historic Greystone Estate (905 Loma Vista Drive) on Sunday, December 6 from 2:00 – 3:30 pm. This traditional tea will include finger sandwiches, scones, tea, champagne and dessert, served using fine china and fresh linens. Weather permitting, the tea will occur on the terrace with a view of the city; in the case of inclement weather, the tea will take place inside the mansion. Holiday related musical entertainment as well as a tour of the first floor of the mansion is included. There is limited seating, so advanced reservations are recommended. Tickets are $50/person – they may be purchased by calling (310) 285-6850.

Celebrate on Cañon Drive
December 10, 2009 (4:00 – 9:00 pm)
Eat, drink and be merry as you stroll Cañon Drive and enjoy the “open house” vibe up and down the street . . . pop into shops and restaurants for holiday sips and treats and, along the way, enjoy family-oriented activities, live entertainment and special performances from Beverly Hills’ own Madrigals and Minnesingers. Bring your gift list and listen for Santa’s announcement of the Cañon Drive holiday drawing winners! Sponsored by the Cañon Drive Association.






Who doesn’t need a little down time, especially during the holidays. We make it easy for you to slip into a booth and linger over light bites, a cocktail or a full-on holiday feast:

Nips, Sips and Bites

The Beverly Hills Hotel & Bungalows, 9641 Sunset Blvd.
Under the direction of Executive Chef Alex Chen, the hotel will feature gourmet prix fixe holiday dinner menus on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve in the world-famous Polo Lounge restaurant. And whether it’s before, during or after the feast, imbibe in one of six holiday cocktail concoctions created especially for this time of year. Try the Pilgrim Iced Tea or Pumpkin Pie Hot Cocoa on Thanksgiving, get a little naughty with Mrs. Claus’ Little Secret or Rudolph’s Red Light at Christmas and break out the party hats on New Year’s Eve with a Twisted Sparkling Lemonade or Up All Night beverage. For reservations, call (310) 887-2777 or log on to www.beverlyhillshotel.com for more information on the hotel.

Dickens’ Dining at Lawry’s the Prime Rib, 100 N. La Cienega Blvd.
Lawry’s the Prime Rib whisks you back in time to Yuletide in Victorian England with their Dickens’ A Christmas Carol lunch and dinner. Festively costumed actors and carolers will perform scenes from the Charles Dickens’ classic as you feast on Lawry’s famous cuisine. The Dickens’ dining experience is available either at lunch (12 noon) or dinner (7:00 pm) on Sunday, December 6. Enjoy Lawry’s famous Spinning Bowl Salad, Roasted Prime Ribs of Beef served with Mashed Potatoes, Yorkshire Pudding and Creamed Spinach OR Fresh Grilled Salmon served with Vegetables. Top it off with Apple Pie drizzled in Caramel Sauce, a sweet ending to this truly special meal. (A children’s menu is also available.) Reservations are necessary and may be made by calling (310) 360-6281, Ext. 4, Monday through Friday, 10:00 am – 5:00 pm. Visit the Lawry’s website at www.lawrysonline.com.

Luxe Hotel Rodeo Drive, 360 N. Rodeo Drive
Chocolate lovers – you may have just died and gone to heaven! Luxe Hotel’s Bar 360 has whipped up a rotating menu of chocolate-inspired cocktails, available during the bar’s famous $3.60 Martini Happy Hour from mid-November through the end of the year. Honestly, do you really think you can you resist the Chocolate Martini, Chocolate-Covered Cherry Cocktail or Minted Hot Chocolate accompanied by chocolate-covered strawberries and chocolate chip cookies? We think not! Chocolate is the perfect pick-me-up during the often exhausting holidays as it offers a shot of sugar and caffeine – and yet the caffeine boost is just 1/10th of what you’d get from a regular cup of coffee. It’s a win/win! Visit the Luxe website at www.luxehotelrodeodrive.com to explore your options.

Montage Beverly Hills, 225 N. Canon Drive
Montage Beverly Hills is presenting a culinary tour de force this season with a selection of festive holiday menu options at their two restaurants, Parq and Muse. Parq offers elegant family-style dining on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day and multi-course prix fixe tasting menus on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. Or enjoy a more intimate setting at Muse where a sumptuous five-course tasting menu will be featured on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve. To reserve your space, call (310) 860-7800. Food connoisseurs looking for a private and exclusive dining event may reserve a Couples Culinary experience with Executive Chef John Cuevas. You and your culinary companion will meet with the chef to select your perfect holiday menu and then join him in hands-on cooking classes and demonstrations to prepare the dinner together. Return later that evening with your guests (8-12) to savor the feast. Reservations for this one-of-a-kind experience are available by calling (310) 860-7891. For more information on these and other activities, visit www.montagebeverlyhills.com.

Sprinkles Cupcakes, 9635 S. Santa Monica Blvd.
Sprinkles Cupcakes, purveyor of the yummiest baked treats and a regional fan favorite, has something special up their sleeve for the holidays. In addition to their regular mouth-watering cupcake flavors (peanut butter chip, lemon coconut and red velvet, for example), they’ll be seducing customers with unique seasonal flavors during November and December. Look for pumpkin cupcakes during the entire month of November, ginger maple and orange cranberry temptations from November 20-29 and eggnog spice, chocolate peppermint and vanilla peppermint selections in December (through the 24th). Visit www.sprinklescupcakes.com for details.

The Peninsula Beverly Hills, 9882 S. Santa Monica Blvd.
Positively sparkling with holiday decorations inside and out, The Peninsula Beverly Hills is the perfect spot to enjoy the season. In the Living Room, a third Afternoon Tea seating has been added to accommodate shoppers looking for respite from the throes of consumerism. And the Club Bar serves holiday inspired cocktails – the Candy Cane Martini or Hot Cocoa with Amaretto – sure to warm you from the inside out. The Belvedere restaurant has planned gala dinners for Christmas and New Year’s Eve, and also serves a full-on holiday feast on Thanksgiving, Christmas Day and New Year’s Day from 11:00 am to 9:00 pm. Make your reservations by calling (310) 975-2736 or visit http://www.beverlyhills.peninsula.com.





Shop Talk

Keep your spirits high and the shopping fun with the following holiday shopping tips:

1. Create a gift recipient list with possible gift ideas for each person before you head out on your shopping adventure.

2. Don’t “panic” shop. A getaway at our hotels will give you plenty of time to shop casually – AND you’ll get an additional night free when you stay two nights. Now that’s a holiday special!

3. Enjoy two hours of free parking at the public parking structures on Rodeo, Beverly and Canon Drives (look for the turquoise blue parking signs).

4. Step inside the Christian Audigier boutique on Camden Drive, and you’re one step ahead of the pack. The tattoo-inspired artwear (T-shirts, hoodies and even sequined dresses) turns heads and makes a statement – one that doesn’t say you’re trying too hard.

5. If it’s sweet things you’re after, make sure Asweet is on your list. This South Beverly sweet shop, decorated in pastel hues reminiscent of cotton candy, is an eclectic collection of chocolate and gourmet candy treats, baubles for your wrists and fingers and adorable tops, pants and separates to satisfy your cravings for “sugar and spice and everything nice.”

6. While you’re on SoBev, break from the shopping madness and feed your body (and soul) with a bite of lunch. Try the Roasted Baby Beets salad or Grilled Cheese sandwich at Cabbage Patch or the Famous Roast Beef and Provolone sub sandwich at Jersey Mike’s Subs.

7. Select gift items you know your family will use – or shall we say “consume.” We suggest any of the gorgeous chocolate gift boxes from Madame Chocolat, your favorite California wine from the Wine Valet or a basket of domestic and international cheeses from The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills.

8. Seems you’ve yet to fill your “shimmer and shine” quotient for the day. A stop at Judith Leiber at Two Rodeo will solve that problem. Enter the Crystal Room at this opulent accessories boutique and choose from several exclusive-to-Beverly Hills crystal minaudière clutches in that unmistakable Judith Leiber style.

9. Christopher Guy recently opened his first and only U.S. furniture gallery in Beverly Hills. From seductive, yet gracious tables and chairs to sculptural candlesticks and other decorative accents, any selection from Christopher Guy will stand out in your home this holiday season.

10. Men, wind down at the end of your shopping trip and head into Gornick and Drucker at the Montage Beverly Hills for a customized traditional shave at this old world barber shop. Ladies can indulge in the female version – the “Wrapped in Luxury” La Prairie Caviar Facial and Massage at The Beverly Hills Hotel.

And to all a free night

The best things in life ARE free – especially when this year’s holiday budget is a little tighter than usual! When you stay two nights at any of the stunning hotel properties listed below between November 15, 2009 and January 10, 2010, we’ll give you an additional third night free. Still wanting more? The celebration continues as you also receive a complimentary cocktail, created especially for the holidays, at each of these exclusive addresses. Click on any of the links below to find out more about our gift to you:

AVALON BEVERLY HILLS
9400 W. Olympic Boulevard
Seeking solace from the hustle of the holidays . . . discover The Avalon, arguably Beverly Hills’ best kept secret, offering cool surroundings and hot new dining choices at Oliviero, the finest in Italian cuisine.
Cocktail: Candy Apple Martini

BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL AND BUNGALOWS
9641 Sunset Boulevard
Featuring special holiday packages and a festive cocktail menu, there’s no place like The Beverly Hills Hotel for the most wonderful time of the year.
Cocktail: Mrs. Claus’ Little Secret or Rudolph’s Red Light

THE BEVERLY HILTON
9876 Wilshire Boulevard
Tis’ the season to toast and be merry at The Beverly Hilton with a warm Brandy Alexander and some hot cocoa too....
Cocktail: Warm Brandy Alexander

BEVERLY WILSHIRE, A FOUR SEASONS HOTEL
9500 Wilshire Boulevard
Located atop the Beverly Wilshire, the UNICEF Crystal Snowflake will illuminate Rodeo Drive and offers the perfect backdrop for guests and locals this holiday season.
Cocktail: Melted Snowflake

CRESCENT HOTEL
403 N. Crescent Drive
The Crescent is perfectly situated three blocks from Rodeo Drive and close to Robertson for holiday shopping.
Cocktail: Spiced Hot Apple Cider

LUXE HOTEL RODEO DRIVE
360 N. Rodeo Drive
As befitting its location on retail mecca, Rodeo Drive, each year Luxe Hotel Rodeo Drive festoons the lobby and public spaces with garlands and sparkling holiday lighting. Festive music evokes the spirit of the season.
Cocktail: Chocolate Martini

MAISON 140
140 S. Lasky Drive
Wishing you could be in Paris for the holidays? Retreat and sip Absinthe cocktails whilst immersing yourself in the decadent ambience of Maison 140, an enchanting European haven just steps from Rodeo Drive.
Cocktail: Absinthe

MONTAGE BEVERLY HILLS
225 N. Canon Drive
Celebrating our first anniversary, Montage Beverly Hills is fast becoming a tradition, a tradition perfectly suited for celebrating the holidays.
Cocktail: Red & Butter

PENINSULA BEVERLY HILLS
9882 S. Santa Monica Boulevard
The Peninsula Beverly Hills offers families and friends a myriad of festive amenities and events with which to celebrate the season, its traditions and each other.
Cocktail: Candy Cane Martini

RAFFLES L’ERMITAGE BEVERLY HILLS
9291 Burton Way
Raffles L’Ermitage Beverly Hills welcomes you to join us for a specialty cocktail inspired by the season. Our Holiday Cheerful Delight is what we think will make your holiday season even brighter!
Cocktail: Raffles L’ Ermitage Holiday Cheerful Delight

THOMPSON BEVERLY HILLS
9360 Wilshire Boulevard
Wrap yourself in the warmth and graciousness of the season. Thompson Beverly Hills . . . come home for the holidays.
Cocktail: Firecider





For more information on the holidays, click on any of the links below or call the Beverly Hills Conference & Visitors Bureau at (310) 248-1015.
Special thanks to our sponsors:

Saturday, November 7, 2009

UNFASHIONABLE BEHAVIOR: DOMESTIC ABUSE



As we watched Rihanna open up to the public & Diane Sawyer about the horrific events that took place during Grammy weekend with then boyfriend Chris Brown, it made me reflect on my past. We all saw the photos of a badly beaten Ri-Ri. It was the shock and awe heard all over the world and it was the topic of every conversation that weekend. Another shocking revelation was hearing Mariah Carey admit to Larry King this week that she was in an abusive relationship too. All of a sudden, we see that this problem in the world unfortunately affects many celebrities. 

This topic hits particularly close to home for me, as well. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for four years. The heart is such a powerful thing. We learn quickly to forgive over and over again. Three out of 4 relationship are abusive. There are different types of abuse. There is physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse. None of them are worse than the others. Some may think that physical abuse is the easiest to get over because the bruises go away, but that isn't true at all. With physical abuse, typically emotional and mental abuse are also involved. But just because the bruises heal and fade, doesn't mean the pain inside your heart goes away. Just like Rihanna, I am a strong female, who never would've thought this could happen to me. It's apparent that no matter how strong you are, love can make you do crazy things. When you get that close to someone, you believe every word they say, every excuse they give, and every crocodile tear that falls from their eyes. You want so badly to be a great influence or to change their behavior. But domestic abuse links back to the way a person was treated, their insecurities in themselves, and their upbringing. 



The guy I dated we will refer to him as Mr. Toxic (who will remain nameless) always prided himself on treating a woman right. In the first year of our relationship, that was how it was. He would even say, "I'd never hit a woman, my mom and my uncle would kill me." When someone says such strong words like that, you tend to believe that they will always respect you.


Mr. Toxic was a charmer, I instantly fell in love with his good looks, his charisma, and his personality. Being a victim of domestic violence, when you reflect back on your relationship its very embarrassing to think that you could fall in love with someone that would ever hurt you. You'd like to think of yourself as a person of good character and moral judgment. Just like the expression a wolf in sheep's clothing, this is exactly the case with many abusers. I am not writing this article for pity, I am not writing this article to point fingers at men and say they are the only abusers, because that is not the case at all. I can speak on it now, because I have completely purged him completely out of my life. I do not wish him harm. I know what you are thinking, if someone hurt me, my sister, or my daughter, I'd want to kill them, right? You quickly learn that life goes on and if you want the healing to begin, you need to forgive. That does not mean that I will forget about the things that he did to me, because those are burned into my memory and I will continue to speak to women who are in the same situations as me and also I will educate my daughter one day. I realized in my relationship, the more he'd say mean and degrading things to me, it was a reflection of his insecurities.

Looking back on it now, my family saw the warning signs first. My brother begged me to leave. He would say, "You are so beautiful and talented to be with him. He doesn't deserve someone like you." My best friends, cousin, my aunt, and my grandfather recognized the "trance" I was in. I was so deeply in love with this individual, I didn't want to even listen to the people in my life who always knew best and loved me unconditionally. In my case, the emotional abuse started first then it was followed by physical abuse. Statistics say that it takes a woman 7-8 times before she will leave. I would have to agree. It took me 4 years to walk away. I kept praying and hoping it would get better that he would magically change or want to get better. Aside from Mr. Toxic's personal insecurities in the Hollywood scene, he suffered from a deeper issue---- alcoholism. I am not giving him an excuse, I am just explaining how this played a part. 

When I first met Mr. Toxic in college, he was quite the BMOC (Big Man on Campus), a guy who loved a good party, but definitely had slight drinking tendencies. I never thought they'd end up being a huge problem down the road. I don't think anyone does. We all like to go out and have a few drinks. As our relationship grew, I can recall a night when I was visiting my parents on the east coast of Florida and was woken up, several times throughout the night because he had woken up face down in Ybor City (a nightlife area in downtown Tampa), no money, and he had no way of getting home. I was two hours away from him and was scared because I felt helpless for him. I offered to get in the car and come and get him, he said he'd sit here on the bench and wait til one of his friends woke up and he'd call them to come get him or he'd walk. This should've been my first sign.

After a year, I had a big decision to make in my life. I was graduating from Fashion School. It was either NYC or LA for me. I ended up choosing LA for my internship, packed my bags, and left. Mr. Toxic and I decided to try the long distance thing. Shortly after my move to LA, he decided he wanted to move to LA too. Soon after his move, the alcoholism became a stronger source for arguments, public displays of humiliation towards me, emotional abuse, fear, and caused me to hate myself.


He'd wake me up from a dead sleep either on the cell phone or while I was in bed screaming about something. Sometimes it would be because he was on Sunset intoxicated and forgot where he parked. Usually our arguments would occur after he'd accuse me of something that wasn't important at 2am, like why I left the light on downstairs in the living room or why I fell asleep on the couch with the tv on. He would make me feel stupid, incompetent, and insecure. I'd call my mom at 2am in the morning Pacific Time, which was 5am back east, crying hysterically because he would be screaming and  making threats. I'd lock myself in the guestroom just so that he couldn't touch me. My dad would ask my mom why I was calling, but I'd beg her not to tell him. I was scared for him to know. Up until about six months ago, he didn't know the reason I left Mr. Toxic over a year ago. When he and my brother found out, they were so angry. I knew they'd be furiated, but he (Mr. Toxic) wasn't worth it.

I found the strength after 3 years of physical abuse through my mom. I had given up so much of my life and while I was building my styling career, no one who I worked with had a clue. I was the real me on set, at red carpet events, and with my clients. But I would always cringe and hate to go home. I couldn't relax in what is suppose to be my own sanctuary. Every time, he'd hit me, throw me against the dresser, and try to strangle me, I would take photos as proof and email them to myself. But I was too scared to call the cops because of his threats. I can hear them echo in my head, "If you call the cops, I will put your head through the wall."

My mom is my best friend and she always will be. She knew my fears and she was 3,000 miles away and felt like her hands were tied. She'd come visit me every four months and even she saw the way he'd talk to me, treat me, and scream at me. My mom cried one night in my guestroom. She begged me to leave. She said, I know you feel trapped and you feel scared. I did feel trapped, trapped in my own wishes, dreams, and hopes. He convinced me that we had a future, that I was the "one", and that he always felt bad the next day. I was terrified, scared was an understatement. I was terrified for two reasons: 1.) I had moved him to LA, paid for the move, and was investing in what I was brainwashed into thinking was my future. 2.) I hadn't been on my own in four years, what would I do in this town all by myself? And that was the truth. I had fallen in love with a horrible man who didn't love me. When the numbness of my heart wore off and reality set in, I realized I had accomplished so much in my life on my own, I didn't need him. The only thing I should be scared of is getting to know the grown-up girl who didn't have to answer to anyone. And although, everything in the townhouse was his (because I sold all of my stuff in Tampa because I moved his furniture cross country.), that everything can be purchased and bought all over again. I prayed about it and with the help of my good friends, I found a great little place that I quickly packed my clothing & computer and signed the lease without hesitation. I can honestly say that now with my head held high and no regrets. I have come along way on my spiritual journey in life.

Some would ask, "Is there life after coming out of that situation?" My advice would be to take some time for yourself. What you go through is so emotional and deep on so many levels, it's like a group of puzzle pieces that need to be put together all over again to refigure your life. Learn to love your favorite things again being single. You have no one else's feelings to consider, just your own. So if you want to fall asleep on your couch and the tv ends up being on, you can. You definitely go through a mourning period when you let go of someone that was such a intimate part of your life. I will advise to not have any contact- no texting, no emails, and no phone calls with your X. Also delete them from every social networking site you subscribe too. That person no longer has earned any right to be a part of your life or to know anything at all about what is going on in your world. The abuser will always apologize, cry, tell you how much they messed up, how they will change, believe NONE of it. Its a perpetual cycle that needs to stop and this is the ONLY way for you to get your dignity back. No one said this would be easy, my next piece of advice would be to surround yourself with a great group of friends who will distract you when you are ready to be social again.


Right now, in my life, I am beyond happy. I am in such a great place in my personal life and in my career. As far as, love is concerned, I will always be a little skeptical, but I have been blessed to have an amazing guy from my past come waltzing back into my life a little over a month ago. He has definitely opened my eyes to how a woman is suppose to be talked to, treated, and how its ok to be a strong, secure female who knows what she wants. My grandpap was the one guy in my life that I could always go to for advice when I had a difficult decision to make. I had a huge career opportunity given to me and I was upset because I no longer have him to talk to or give me a pep talk (because he passed away in July). Mr. Amazing gave me a pep talk and even quoted my Pap, which literally left me speechless. It's mind blowing at times, I have to pinch myself because it doesn't seem real sometimes, but I can't even begin to explain the connection we share. I have never felt so comfortable being myself. It's strange, we all tend to have these "secretaries" that tend to only reveal the good things about us. This tends to happen the first few months of the "getting to know you" phase in a relationship. This time, I don't feel like I have to pretend. But we'll see, if its all just a stepping stone for me to learn what a real relationship is about or merely a reconnection friendship from our high school days, either way, I'll be happy. I like to keep my love life private and I don't want to jinx a quinn-tessential good possibility. :)

(Source: HelpGuide.org)
HOW DOES DOMESTIC ABUSE OCCUR? 

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars. I wrote this article to educate women and men of the signs of domestic violence, how to notice the warning signs, and how to get help or get out of the situation.

Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available.

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic violence and abuse do not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally.

Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence and even murder. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. No one deserves this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

You don’t have to live in fear

If you are afraid for your safety or have been beaten by your partner:

Signs of an abusive relationship

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.
To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

  
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Do you:
  • feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  • avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
  • feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
  • believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
  • wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
  • feel emotionally numb or helpless? 
Does your partner:
  • humiliate or yell at you?
  • criticize you and put you down?
  • treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
  • ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
  • blame you for his own abusive behavior?
  • see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats
Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner:
  • have a bad and unpredictable temper?
  • hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? 
  • threaten to take your children away or harm them?
  • threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
  • force you to have sex?
  • destroy your belongings?
Does your partner:
  • act excessively jealous and possessive?
  • control where you go or what you do?
  • keep you from seeing your friends or family?
  • limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
  • constantly check up on you?

Physical violence is just one form of domestic abuse

When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted. But not all domestic abuse involves violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused.
Domestic abuse takes many forms, including psychological, emotional, and sexual abuse. These types of abuse are less obvious than physical abuse, but that doesn’t mean they’re not damaging. In fact, these types of domestic abuse can be even more harmful because they are so often overlooked—even by the person being abused.

Emotional or psychological abuse

The aim of emotional or psychological abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.
Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence.

You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. Furthermore, emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners at least once during their relationship. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse.

Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Furthermore, women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.

Economic or financial abuse

Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he will frequently use money to do so. Economic or financial abuse includes:
  • Rigidly controlling your finances.
  • Withholding money or credit cards.
  • Making you account for every penny you spend.
  • Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
  • Restricting you to an allowance.
  • Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
  • Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
  • Stealing from you or taking your money.


It Is Still Abuse If . . .

  • The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
  • The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.
  • The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
  • There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.
Source: Breaking the Silence: a Handbook for Victims of Violence in Nebraska (PDF)

Violent and abusive behavior is the abuser’s choice

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.

Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power:

  • Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
  • Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their powerHumiliation – An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
  • Isolation – In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.
  • Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
  • Intimidation – Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
  • Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his violent and abusive behavior is your fault.

Reasons we know an abuser's behaviors are not about anger and rage:

  • He does not batter other individuals - the boss who does not give him time off or the gas station attendant that spills gas down the side of his car. He waits until there are no witnesses and abuses the person he says he loves.
  • If you ask an abused woman, "can he stop when the phone rings or the police come to the door?" She will say "yes". Most often when the police show up, he is looking calm, cool and collected and she is the one who may look hysterical. If he were truly "out of control" he would not be able to stop himself when it is to his advantage to do so.
  • The abuser very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If he were "out of control" or "in a rage" he would not be able to direct or limit where his kicks or punches land.
Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

The cycle of violence in domestic abuse

Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:
  • Cycle of violenceAbuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
  • Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
  • "Normal" behavior – Your abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep you in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give you hope that your abusive partner has really changed this time.
  • "Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
  • Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
  • Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.
Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

The Full Cycle of Domestic Violence

A man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "I'm sorry for hurting you." What he does not say is, "Because I might get caught." He then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her "If you weren't such a worthless whore I wouldn't have to hit you." He then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because "you're having an affair with the store clerk." He has just set her up.
Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

Recognizing the warning signs of domestic violence and abuse

It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse. If you witness any warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.

General warning signs of domestic abuse

People who are being abused may:
  • Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner.
  • Go along with everything their partner says and does.
  • Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing.
  • Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner.
  • Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness.

Warning signs of physical violence

People who are being physically abused may:
  • Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.”
  • Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation.
  • Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors).

Warning signs of isolation

People who are being isolated by their abuser may:
  • Be restricted from seeing family and friends.
  • Rarely go out in public without their partner.
  • Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car.

The psychological warning signs of abuse

People who are being abused may:
  • Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.
  • Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn).
  • Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal.

Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse

Do's and Don't's

Do:
Ask.
Express concern.
Listen and validate.
Offer help.
Support her decisions.
Don’t:
Wait for her to come to you.
Judge or blame.
Pressure her.
Give advice.
Place conditions on your support.

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the woman might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save her life.
Talk to the person in private and let her know that you’re concerned about her safety. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell her that when and if she wants to talk about it, you’re there for her. Reassure her that you’ll keep whatever she tells you between the two of you, and let her know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. Abused and battered women are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they have often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.

Related articles

Help for Abused and Battered Women: Domestic Violence Shelters, Support, and Protection
Learn how to protect yourself from domestic violence and leave an abusive relationship safely. Includes tips on getting a restraining order, finding a shelter, and staying safe after you’ve left.

More Helpguide articles:

Related links for domestic violence and domestic abuse

Domestic violence hotlines and help

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) – A crisis intervention and referral phone line for domestic violence. (Texas Council on Family Violence)
State Coalition List – Directory of state offices that can help you find local support, shelter, and free or low-cost legal services. Includes all U.S. states, as well as the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

Warning signs of abusive relationships and domestic violence

Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook – Guide to domestic violence covers common myths, what to say to a victim, and what communities can do about the problem. (U.S. Department of Agriculture)
Domestic Violence: The Cycle of Violence – Learn about the cycle of violence common to abusive relationships. (Mid-Valley Women’s Crisis Service)
The Problem – Offers a checklist of behaviors and feelings that will help you assess whether you are in an abusive relationship. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
Domestic Violence Warning Signs – Describes common warning signs that a woman is being emotionally abused or beaten. (Safe Place, Michigan State University)